I Love You, Sincerely Cat
by Lovatic1966
Summary: Love you till the sun goes away, love you till your hair turns gray. Love you forever and always.
1. Love, Cat

I remember our first kiss so clearly, Jade. You hadn't even met Beck then; it was just us, the best friends that were polar opposites. We were in middle school, the seventh grade and it was outside on the track next to the school. We had gym class together and everyone else had already gone inside. We were laughing and making jokes, leaning on each other for support. It was almost like a spur of the moment thing. When the laughter finally died away we were left just standing there, staring into each other's eyes. It felt right for us to kiss, faint wisps of laughter still vibrant in my cheeks as you leaned in and stepped closer, eyes falling shut. I remember shock quickly giving way to a feeling of blissful serenity; my thoughts suddenly halted and muted by your lips. I remember my hands sliding over your shoulders and behind your neck, one of your own hands resting on my hip and the other in the middle of my back.

We decided to be each other's everything from that day forward, remember? You promised me forever, Jade, but you left me for a girl both you and I barely know. At least that's how I think of it; you probably know a lot more about her now, you hold her hand at lunch, kiss her in front of your locker. I was the one who came up with the idea to decorate it with scissors. I should probably go back and fill in the blank I left; I've always had a tendency to get ahead of myself.

After we kissed we walked back inside holding hands. I was smiling, but when we started to round the corner to where all our classmates were you pulled your hand away. I asked what was wrong, assumed you were just nervous. But you told me you didn't want to ruin your reputation, then kissed me on the forehead and we kept walking. I was so confused when I went home that day. Was it because we were two girls? Was it me? I spent the night just staring at nothing because I couldn't sleep. When we went to school the next day I'd thought you'd forgotten at first. You didn't act any different. But when we stayed behind to help clean the art room you slid around a table and kissed me on my lips again. We spent more time with our hands on each other than the brushes and the paints.

I learned later that this, what we had, it had to be kept a secret. Or at least that's what I learned from you. You only kissed me when no one was watching, brushed my hand when everyone else was distracted. It hurt a lot. I didn't understand why we had to sneak around. Other people kissed and held hands. If this was something good, something special, then why did we have to hide it? You don't hide your relationship with Tori. In fact, Andre told me it was your idea to come out with her in the first place. It's not fair; I _know _you better than her, I've spent more time with you. Sure, her lips touch yours more than mine probably ever will, but I was your first and that's something that you can keep a secret all you want, but you can't deny.

I remember when you started dating Beck. We were sitting across from each other at lunch, having a normal day. Then he came up, slid in next to you, kissed your cheek. You kept smiling and laughing like this was all natural. Like you hadn't even told me what was going on and now this boy I didn't even know was suddenly all over you right in front of me. And the worst part was I couldn't confront him about it because we were supposed to be a secret, remember? I turned into a third wheel, lagging behind wherever you two walked. I tried so hard to get you alone, away from him, so we could at least talk about what was going on. But he was always with you and you always made excuses.

You made excuses for two years to keep from talking to me. I started to slip into a different place to make all the hurt stop. A place where no one else could go because it was mine, a place where I could be a child and happy forever. I retreated into my own mind, myself. I can make it all stop, though. I can come back just as easily as I go away, look 'normal' again. I only do it because you're around anyway. Well, because you're around with someone else, someone who isn't me.

Beck still doesn't know, I don't think anyone does but me and you. Have you told Tori yet? Because you should. I may not be happy to see her with you, but that doesn't mean I think its okay to keep secrets. I remember when Beck told me you two agreed to break up. He didn't feel the spark anymore and you were obviously interested in someone else. I was surprised, I'll admit. I thought you would make the breakup explosive; you've always liked to be dramatic, add your own little flair to everything that you do. A small part of me was expecting Beck to find someone else and leave you, not because you're undesirable, but because he found someone more like him and pulled him more.

It wasn't two days later that you announced that you were dating Tori, your arm around her waist while she snuggled into your shoulder. And you did the same thing that you did with Beck; you acted like nothing had ever happened between us when I remember it so very clearly. I've retreated further into myself, my world than I ever have before. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but right now it's so far away and out of my reach I won't even try.

Maybe all this, all the memories will show you I'm willing to suffer. Only for you and I have and I still am. It kills me to see you with her, but you're happy right now and that's enough for me to get by on.

I don't know if you'll actually read this or not, but I just wanted to let you know I still remember everything and I'll always be here if you need me.

Love, Cat.

**I don't know why I rate everything I write as 'M'. Maybe it's just cause I don't like 'K's' or that since I tend to look in the M section first I just rate mine as M**


	2. Love, Jade

**Jakarie: I'm sure if we ever met in real life we would be good friends after we got past the awkwardness. Jk; I'm real easy to get along with**

I'm not really good at this, but I'm gonna try and explain my feelings to you.

Tori's my girlfriend - well that's pretty much obvious, but I got together with her pretty much the same way I did with Beck. Without telling you anything and leaving you in the dark. I want to say that I'm sorry for that, sorry for all the years that I blew you off, turned you down for whoever I was dating at the time. We were the best of friends and I ruined it all. I was the one who kissed you first; I was the one who said I loved you then turned around and dated someone else. Now that my time with Beck has passed it's harder to understand why I got together with him in the first place. Now when I think about it, it sounds cold-hearted and selfish. We were lying in bed one night without our clothes, limbs intertwined. I remember the feel of your skin, the silk of your hair, the smell of you so close to me, chocolate eyes closed as you slept.

But wasn't it wrong? And my father always told me to think of my career. The world didn't take too kindly to same sex couples back then. I tried to reverse my feelings for you; dated the first boy who asked me out because I thought that since I'd developed feelings for you over time I could do the same with someone else. He loved me and I was too guilty to admit that he was just part of my selfish scheme. I failed miserably. Sure, Beck was deeply in love with me, but I still had feelings for you. My father approved greatly of Beck; smart, good-looking and had the potential to make money. My heart cries your name when you walk past me alone and I find myself envisioning myself beside you again, just like we used to be all the time.

I spent two years of my life trying to push you out of my head and heart. Of course the twisted part of me convinced my mind that maybe Beck didn't do the trick because he was a guy. Our first kiss was no mistake; I know. You were the only person who stuck beside me as I grew into the ice queen. You stayed the same and I turned cold. I don't know what's happened to you. At first when I started dating Beck you were still that smart, sweet girl that everyone tried to make friends with and impress. Now your sentences don't even make sense and people don't give you second glance except when you perform. You drift off to somewhere where no one can find you and I can only sit and watch because if I do any more then people will get suspicious. When you're onstage everyone perks up in their seats, listens harder. They see you, who you really are though the notes of the music, the rise of your voice and the expressions in your eyes. They know that you're still there, Cat. Just like I know. I know you better than anyone else in this school and I can see through your facade just like you've always seen through mine, pretending to be the tough girl.

You're the stronger of us; you've always been. You never care what anyone thinks of you, I have to shove it to the back of my mind to contemplate later, to see the mistakes that someone else saw and try to correct them. You're fearless and beautiful and I'm just a fake; a wolf that growls at you with its lips closed so you can't see that all its teeth have been knocked out. But we have something in common too. People used to embrace the both of us. Now our classmates cower in fear when they see me and they dismiss you without a second thought. We're both rejects now, even though some people view us at certain points on the high school food chain.

You know how Tori is, Miss 'Make It Shine'. Everyone admires her, whether they like it or not, whether they admit it or not. Despite the times she messes up, the people who judge her take it back later and simply let it be and label her as perfection. I wanted to be like that too. I wanted people to quit judging me so I didn't have to care what they thought like you, I wanted to simply have fun on the stage without seeming intimidating.

I wanted to be like you, but I thought I had to learn from Tori.

I've made up excuses to come crying to her doorstep at night, to see how she handles herself, wanting to know how it all came so easily to her. I had to learn, I had to be perfect. I needed to know what drew everyone into her, even though she didn't really draw me in. You did and you're all that matters. Even now, when I'm playing the same game with Tori that I did with Beck. I at least gained the courage to admit to the whole school that I'm not into guys. Maybe that's all that Tori can do for me. Maybe she can only go so far with her 'perfection'. At least you have passion when you sing; at least you don't dance onstage with a false spring in your step.

You're a point of purity in this pond of filth that we call our high school; you're just hidden underneath a veil. You're the spark that starts the fire, the sun in the dark sky.

I wish you could see that I'm not worth it, but for what it is worth...I love you too, Cat. And you're right; maybe it is time to tell Tori the truth.

Love forever,

Jade

**Unfortunately, this isn't as good as the first because I didn't have the luxury of time or peace while I was typing this**


	3. Forever and Always

**It might not be quite what you wanted...**

_I wish you could see that I'm not worth it, but for what it is worth...I love you too, Cat. And you're right; maybe it is time to tell Tori the truth._

_Love forever,_

_Jade_

I turn the corner, note in hand when something - or more like _someone_ collides into me. My head almost bounces off the tile floor and there's a person on top of me. I freeze up, not because of the shock of the collision, but because the body pressing into mine is familiar. There's more defined curves, but her smell is still the same. The memories are automatic and overwhelming. I feel her hands on me, hear her voice in my ears, taste her on my tongue.

"Jade." I whisper, though I'm not sure why.

Her familiar green eyes look down at me and my broken heart skips a beat when I see the shock turn into same look that her eyes had almost three years ago. _Love forever, I love you too, time to tell Tori the truth._

"Jade," I say again, but this time there are tears coming to my tears.

She moves off me and stands up, glaring at the people who stare so they run into different hallways. I can see the flash of hurt in her eyes as they do so. She holds out a hand, and it takes me a few seconds, but I gladly take it. She picks up the note from the floor and we walk into the janitor's closet, Jade closing the door behind her. I'm biting my lip against the tears in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"Don't cry, Kitty." She murmurs, brushing my hair away from my face.

"I - you love me." I manage to get out. I can feel my heart slowly dragging itself back together, scarred, but still a whole.

"Who said I ever stopped?" One of her pale hands cups my cheek and she leans in, eyes falling shut. I meet her lips eagerly and when they touch it feels like a dam's broken open in my chest. My emotions flood out and rise into my throat, taking away my ability to speak. I move against her lips desperately, craving the touch I haven't felt in so long. My back makes a soft thud against the wall as she pushes back, one hand tangling in my hair, the other gripping my hip.

The door clicks open and we yank apart.

"Tori," I choke out, shame quickly dousing my excitement at the sight of the girl in the doorway.

The brunette smiles gently at me. "Cat, it's okay. I was the one who found the note in Jade's locker first. She didn't have to tell me."

"I'm sorry." They're the only two words I can think of to say when I need to say so much more.

"It's okay." She repeats and all I can do is nod. "Jade," She steps forward and Jade turns around to face her. "I'm glad you found the person that you were meant to be with."

"Tori, I -"

"Don't worry about it." She kisses Jade on the cheek. "Frenemies?" She asks with a small smile on her face.

"Friends." Jade says firmly. "I think you've more than earned it by now."

Tori smiles a bit wider, then turns to leave.

"Hey, Tori." I say, my voice finally finding me again. She looks over her shoulder and I give her the most thankful look I ever have in my entire life. "Thanks."

The smile on her face is a bit wider as she walks out the door.

Jade turns back to look at me.

"So where do we go from here?" I ask, taking her hand.

She smiles and kisses my cheek. "Wherever you want to."

**COMPLETE! Yay!**

**Yeah...I kinda stole a line from the show...*scratches head and mumbles to self* thought it would go well with the scene**

**Jade: What are you doing?**

**Me: Nothing *closes laptop***

**Jade: Give it to me *evil Jade stare as she takes the laptop* Did you type the notes Cat and I wrote to each other?**

**Me: *looks at the ground***

**Jade: What did I tell you about going through our personal stuff? I can't believe - wait - did you post these online?**

**Me: *runs out the door***

**Jade: Get back here!**

**Me: Review before she kills me!**

**Jade: Fuck you!**

**I'm sure it would go something like that if I was talking to Jade...now if I was talking to Elizabeth Gillies I'd probably kiss her, run away, apologize to Ariana for kissing her girlfriend that she won't admit to dating, kiss her and run away again. And I'd probably kiss Victoria too. Oh, and after all that I'd force Dan Warp to give me all their addresses, let me join the cast of Victorious (once I'm on the show he's not allowed to fire me) and I'll also be one of the writers for the show...(wouldn't you guys love that?) *evil laugh***

**And that, my friends, is what you call an overdone author's note ;)**


End file.
